Pink Convertibles Prevail
by hardfootrk
Summary: My sanity has fallen into a pit of never ending darkness. Lucius, Snape, Draco, and our beloved Voldy go on a very...interesting roadtrip. In a very snazzy convertible.
1. Hippopattyomus

IN WHICH Voldy, Draco, Snape, and Lucius Take a Road Trip……

Disclaimer: I don't own anyone, JKR does. Please, please don't kill me.

A/n: Since my other computer isn't working, and I can't put any more chapters for "So That's Why We're Right Handed", I'll do one of my pointless stories that was long lost in a journal of mine. With a few changes.

Good luck, long known sanity.

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It was a bright, sunny day in Miami, Florida. Voldy lounged on his back by the pool side of the canary yellow condo. Oh, my eyes. He was rooming with Snape, Lucius, and Draco.

"Ah, life is good. Even though I'm nothing but a poor, tattered soul with no hair or any sort of a girlfriend whatsoever. Unlike…_him_….curse you Harry Potter." he said, finishing off grimly. Yes, my friends, the true reason of his hatred for him.

Suddenly, Draco Malfoy came bounding out of the patio doors in nothing but boxers, for the sake of me, diving into the pool, yelling.

"HIPPOPATTYOMUS!" Water sailed out onto Voldy.

"Oh, my! Draco, young Draco! Please, put on proper apparel for such things!" He shook his head, and continued to get a tan. Although he was frying to a crisp. Mmm…..Voldy.

Draco popped to the surface and cocked his head at Voldemort. "Yes William?" he inquired. Voldy exhaled loudly.

"Please, call me Bill. You know that." Er, Voldy had legally changed his name recently. But I'll just keep with his most widely known one.

Draco climbed out of the pool, and shook his head like a dog, flinging water dribs everywhere. Yes, he was hot.

The patio door opened once again, and Lucius Malfoy stepped out. He wore a slinky, pink dress with tropical flowers on it, and matching sandals. Pink sunglasses with diamond studs were perched on his head. He ran over on tiptoe to Voldy, waving a brochure. "Bill! Oh, Bill! Looky at what I found!"

Voldy lifted his head and smiled at Lucius. "Yes, deary?"

Draco laughed hysterically, then barged head-first into the pool screen.

Lucius stared at his son for a second, then continued. "Well, it's so beautifully sunny out, I thought it would be a good time for a road trip!"

Voldy nodded slowly, and took the brochure out of Lucius' hand. "Yes….mmhm."

"We could bring Draco, and have such a fun time!"

"But his brochure is for the Russian Orphanages."

"I know. I just thought that maid there looked quite hot."

"Yes, indeed. On with the vacation idea." Voldy picked up a glass of water with a lemon on the edge, and plucked it off. He shoved it into his mouth.

"We could take Dolly!" Lucius bounced like a toddler.

"Could have quite a jolly good time."

"So, should I go get our suitcases?"

"Go right…oh, no…." Voldy slid down.

"What?"

"Severus."

"Oh, god."

At that moment, Snape came flying over the fence, landed on his back, got back up, and sprinted his head into Draco's, who's was through the screen.

"THEY'RE COMING! THE PINK FUZZY BUNNYS, I TELL YOU! COMING LIKE NEVER BEFORE!" Snape bellowed out, flapping his arms wildly.

"Nonsense, Severus." Lucius walked over, and pulled Draco's head back through the screen. He kicked Snape's head out the other side.

Voldy got up, and straightened his swim trunks. Ew. Guess I never mentioned he had only swim trunks on. "Well, then, we should be getting ready. Wanna leave nice and early tomorrow!"

Snape stuck his hand through the hole that was made by their heads. Draco screamed, grabbed it, and flung Snape toward him, through the screen. Then hugged him.

"Fancy a cup of tea?" he asked. Snape nodded, and knelt down, lapping water from the pool.

"Oh, yer so adorable!" Draco then stood there in a hot position, looking hot.

Lucius and Voldy, whom had been standing there the whole time, walked back into the condo, and made pinacoladas as it started to rain.


	2. Dolly Rises

IN WHICH Mad-eye Moody gives advice….

Disclaimer: I don't think I would even let myself own these characters…let alone JKR……

A/n: Sorry, I've been slacking off lately…review replying!

**Dragon the evil dictator- Ha, thank you. I really don't know how these things come to me…**

**Dream-sorcerous11- Odd and strange indeed. I don't want to know what Voldy's chest looks like, but wouldn't mind seeing Lucius in a dress ;)**

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Lucius lugged two bulging suitcases through the door leading into the small garage. He handed them to Voldy with some difficulty.

"Here yah go, deary." he said.

"You packed for Sevvie, too?" Voldy asked, setting the two heavily into the trunk of the convertible.

"Nope, both are mine." Lucius went back into the house, grinning. Voldy slammed the trunk, and called into the house.

"C'mon! We want to get a head start!"

An ear-ringing scream echoed out from the hall, and Draco came darting in the garage, leaping into the automobile.

"APPLES AND BANANAS!" he bellowed. He was sporting a highly noticeable Mickey Mouse eared hat.

"Good, your ready…" sighed Voldy, just as Snape came skipping through the door, a Care Bear backpack hanging form his shoulders. He opened the door of the convertible, and slid in, starting to giggle wildly.

"Lucius! We're waiting!" Voldy called for the last time.

"I'll be there right-" CRACK! Lucius appeared in the passenger's seat, "-now!"

"Finally!" Voldy closed and locked the door, slid in the driver's seat, and started the car.

The car spluttered, and let out its low growl. Voldy sat there in the dark, a stupid smile on his face.

"Uh…Bill?" Lucius poked Voldy. "What are we doing?"

"Waiting for her to warm up, of course."

"Are you sure this car isn't too…used?"

"I drove this baby when I was still livin' off unicorn blood." Voldy patted the side of the car heartily.

Everything was silent…except for the fact that Draco was bouncing up and down saying "Mommy ate a pickle!" over and over…which is just about the most random thing he could say.

Anywho.

Lucius banged his head on the dashboard. "We must get moving!" He took out his wand and flicked it, causing the garage door to open.

"NO!" Voldy leaned over, accidentally pressing down on the gas. The convertible zoomed out into the shining Miami sun, revealing it's hot pink body. The license plate glinted, DOLLY written clearly across it in green lettering. Voldy took hold of the steering wheel, veering away from the curb, missing it by a hair.  
"Look at what you've done, you imbecile!" Voldy scolded.

"You pressed the gas!" Lucius shot back.

Draco leaned over, yelled "HUGGIES ARE MY HERO!" and took hold of the shift, pulling it up to the words "Fly".

The convertible started to bob up and down furiously, and even though Voldy had let go of the gas, and had his foot on the brake pedal, the car kept speeding up.

"Do you fancy a cup of tea!" Snape squealed into Lucius' ear, throwing his arms up."

"NO! DON'T LET IT FLY!"

Too late.

The convertible gave one last bounce, and sailed off the road. Wind whistled by, and Draco had to hold his hat on. Voldy lifted his foot, and let the car slow down. It finally went smoothly, no longer at 90 miles per hour.

And everyone had earned their share in funky hair-doos. Except for Voldy…which should be obvious.

"Sooo…" Lucius gave a glare that could scare Satan to Voldy.

"N…no traffic…" Voldy smiled innocently.

"Shut up and drive, you bloody wizard."

Draco cackled loudly from behind them, and started to braid Snape's hair.

"Oh, jolly good, Draco!"

"Isn't this just so much fun?"

Voldy rolled his eyes as he took hold of the steering wheel, earning a slap on the arm from Lucius.

"That's my son."

"Sevvie?"

"No, Draco! Just…keep driving."

"It's quite nice to fly this again."

"Where did you get this car?"

"Well, you know that Weasley bloke?"

"Yes, indeed."

"He has a flying car as well. And he used to have this one, too, but he gave it to me when he was still gay. Cute car, don't you think?"

"Very."

"I think we should go off the coast, the muggles are suspicious."

"You do that then."

The convertible turned, and flew across rolling turquoise water. Many yells and squeals were heard from behind them.

"I blame you if we're thrown in Azkaban, Lucy."

"You're Lord Voldemort, they wouldn't dare."

"True."

Then it seemed that sun had disappeared, and a random curtain of fog came around them. Draco and Snape could be heard singing Wiggles' songs in the back, and Voldy struggled to see through the thick cloud.

Suddenly, an old, musty voice was heard from below them.

"OI, POTTER!"

"OH MY GOSH, IT'S OLIVER WOOD!" Lucius screamed.

Voldy drove downward, and squinted toward the yell.

"No, it's just Mad-eye Moody."

"Oh, brilliant."

Sure enough, Mad-eye Moody was sitting in a rickety wooden canoe, swaying back and forth. His big, blue eye swiveled to look at the convertible. Snape hee-hawed, then snorted, leaping out into the boat with Mad-eye.

"Aye, what are you bloody blokes doing?" Mad-eye snarled, stroking Snape as he licked his hand and purred.

"Uh…we're on a road trip…." Voldy replied, his eyes darting around nervously. Draco started to wail and flap his arms.

"Where to?" Mad-eye scratched Snape under the chin.

"I really…don't know yet." Voldy shrugged.

"See that ferret's hat?"

"Ferret? You mean Draco?"

"Yes, the young boy! See what it says?"

"Walt Disney World…"

"Go there…not far…in Orlando…"

"Okay then…" Voldy scratched his head in question.

"Just go!" Lucius pressed down on the gas, and they zoomed upward. Just as they straightened out, Snape came soaring through the air, his bottom scorched, and landed with a clunk into his seat.

"I DON'T LIKE CATS!" Mad-eye yelled up.

"Kitty!" Draco started to pet Snape.

"Oh god." Lucius shook his head, and stared forward. "To Disney?"

Voldy cringed at the two in the back.

"To Disney."

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A/n: Ha ha, Oliver always seems to say "Oi, Potter!", and the whole fangirl thing, so yeah. And I really don't think Mr. Weasley is gay, I just had to use that.


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